Poem 19

Do be kind, this one is very personal. 


Forgive me not

I
There’s a crack in the fucking earth
And what spills out is madness
When madness defines what I feel for you
I am madness.
Who do I blame for this?
Can I blame the dead for being dead.
Or do I blame the final moments
Of the living
For embracing death
You cannot take us with you
You cannot take us with you
So why go at all?
II
Would she be interested in
Plump hairy southern gentlemen?
I don’t know but
You were the person I thought of
You are the person I would have
Wanted my friends to think of for me
Should I add her
Yes…. No
That might scare her away.
Well I’ll wait for your signal then
Good. She is nervious
But I would love to have been set up with you
Thank you
It’s the truth.
III
I don’t know anything about you
You are not the man I love with all my heart
You are not the man I
Put my gloves on
That man is noble. That man is strong
That man has sweat on his brow
And drive in his veins
That man met me with purpose.
Blue on blue. Navy in the air like brushstrokes
All the blocks and punches aligning like a waltz
One up two down. To the life. The right
All the spaces between us.
Following through
To contact.
That man I would bow to and touch his glove.
That man I love with all my heart.
That man could never take his life.
IV
Can you hear me?
Can you hear all of this?
Can you hear anything.
I’m sorry I don’t believe in heaven.
But if I did I don’t think you would want to belong there
You belong in the trees or on the rim
Of a shot glass.
In the whispers of well calibrated gossip
You will be in the eyes of an opponent
Or the gaffaw of a bellied laugh
You are so many places other than heaven.
Heaven is a box and I refuse to tape you inside.
In my head
Your voice recounts stories
Behind my eyelids
You dance and drink.
A marionette of my memory.
Dancing and drinking
In the rin of a shot glass
Or escaping to the woods for some air.
Something about heaven sounds terrible.
There would be nothing to fill your sorrows.
There would be nothing to overcome.
I will find you in this life.
V
Forgive me if I don’t understand
How you could have curled your hand
And send the fire barrel deep
Into the spaces secrets keep
And be the body on the floor
Had you never wanted more?
Forgive me if I hate today
When all the world would melt away
And you would be the voice within
A burley, bearded toothey grin.
You are gone
You are gone
You are gone
You are gone
Forgive me if I hate you now
It evades me, reasons why or how
But you are still a brother: blood
Even as my eyelids flood
Wherever you reside, my son
You will be my heart undone.

–ECW
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4 thoughts on “Poem 19

  1. This is great. It describes him well. My favorite line is “Heaven is a box and I refuse to tape you inside.” Pretty much sums up my thoughts.

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