Poem 22 is what happens when the moment in reality is way better than the subsequent poem. What a travesty. There are a few ways to fix this. There needs to be some ovewhelming Truth that ends the poem (which there always should be) and there mush be something about the poem itself that makes it memorable in a lyrical way.
The moments that we write about, as poets, belong to our personal human experience, that lower case truth that I have spoken about before. To make them meaningful, we need to take them up to capital T Truth level if they are to break through the clutter that is current poetry. Keep in mind the devices at yor disposal: allusion, metaphor, hyperbole, etc, and use them to apply to more than the moment.
This poem lives in my personal moment. It cannot transcend that cage without the use of some higher level tools. Think of telling a story without a good ending, it’s a dissapointment for the teller and the listener. Same concept for poems based on human experience… make them peoms, of course, but also make them pleasurable for the reader to encounter.
Here I have squared the poorly placed words and thought of some better oprions. There will always be words to fix. Maybe I want to keep things simple, repetitive, but I won’t know unless I give myself the option during the editing process to make the language more sofisticated.
Please don’t think that making the words more complex is always the way to go. That is a personal crutch I tend to lean on. Like the ‘on’ business you see in other peom titles. It’s a good place for me to start working on a poem: circle all the lower range words and try and improve them.
For this poem, as you will see shortly, the memorability will be better suited with repetition, and the use of this poem as a crux on the Mind will allow me to transcend the moment in my own lower case m mind and apply to that capital T Truth.
Writing abou reality is the point. They always say write what you know, and there’s a reason for that. When writing about personal experiences in their moment, try and relay a Truth rather than getting tangled up in the truth of the experience. There is always something greater going on in your life that applies to all humanity, not to sound too cheesy about it. All men are every man, and that’s what we are trying to capture as poets. In doing so we make our experiences more valuable through words.