This is the perfect poem for my number one criticism of my own writing. Wear Slippers.
Often my imagery will be graphic, gory and even unpleasant. That comes from my urge towards realism, my exposure to lots and lots of gruesome media and above all a lack of control. By control I mean emotional tethering. By reining in my language I am able to better manipulate those emotions I hope to evoke from the poem. Everyone will take something different way, that’s art, but there needs to be something there that I put in place to establish tone.
In this poem, there are a lot of bodily words, pimple armpits dry-patch, that are too graphic for the sweetness I am trying to capture. On top of that, there needs to be more universe words apart from vast to establish a sense of theme. By toning down my language, wearing slippers, I can make the words less jarring and more meaningful.
Watch your feet. By wearing slippers or strapping on those work boots you can make the language as vivid and vital as needed or as soft and simple as the poem requires. There are so many ways to play with language, so get an eye on the things that rob your poem of potential and get stompin!